My life as a 20-something single in Japan: This country is crazy! (See:Experiments in dating pt II)

Okay, so if you recall from my Post in January, I had somehow managed to bumble my way into a psuedo sort of dating kind of thing. Well, I figured it is about time that I created the follow up blog. Click here <- if you missed the original post.


Maps out this blog post rather nicely


Okay, so just to recap a little, last I mentioned of my Japanese beau was that the situation had
arrived at a one-sided `deeply ingrained` infatuation and a slew of texts culminating in `I love you, I want to drive down and see you`. Sound familiar (see: crazy!)? Well here is how the rest of the tale goes:

For the most part the following days continued as normal as possible, assuming you consider receiving consistent I love you/I want to see you texts as normal. Smooth sailing right?

Anyway, if a love induced text exchange begins so climatically (I love you, after one date) you figure it has got to plateau somewhere and eventually begin to tapper down. (I <3 the female orgasm lecture reference. Anyone?)

But, if you get what I am referencing to above (Which all of you should since I have conveniently decided to include a diagram at the top of this post), you will note that I have forgotten a key step in the cycle.

attempt at being culturally relevant by creating my first Meme

Desire- Reached (maybe even mutually) Excitement- Reached (I think it is fair enough to say that it was mutual, although the excitement may have came from two different sources), Plateau- Reached (I think we`ve sufficiently established that a relative calm consistency had been achieved), and Next I was expecting a nice tappering down that could be referred to as a Resolution.

And of course, before that could be reached it all had to culminate into one explosive orgasm of a crazzzzzy text.


(Yeah....I think we hit that peak.... -_-)

And yet, for some reason, I decided to throw sanity to the wind and go out on an innocent psuedo date with this guy. I mean psuedo because, date it was not. It was more of a dinner together with our friend Miguel. It seemed like it would be alright and a nice gesture seeing as a few days later he would be moving to Fukuoka. So, why not.
(Note: this post is about to get really garbled with intersecting events. I`ll try to make it as sense making as possible, but I can`t really promise anything, so bare with me)

So, after work on Feb. 3rd I drove myself to the station and mentally prepared myself for seeing my Japanese man friend again for the first time since our last encounter. And I suppose it only makes sense that on a day that I am half out of my mind about to go on a crazzy psuedo date that I land myself into another crazy Japanese dating scene experience.

Like I said, I was waiting at the train station, in the cold (very relevant, not really, but it was really cold) minding my own business just waiting to go on my non-date, when one of the Japanese High School students waiting for the train next to me decides to step up his game from Level 1 (making covert glances in my direction) to Level 2 (art of small talk). He decided to open with the generic remark, `It`s cold isn`t it.` I figured that this a good opportunity to practice my Japanese and told him, yes it is [feckin] cold, I`m from Hawaii and I don`t like the cold. And we progress through small talk of `What are you doing in Japan, What school do you go to, How old are you, etc.` After having reached the topic of age, my new acquaintance decided there was no better time than to ask me, `So are you married`. I was a little taken aback and in my shock reverted back into English, `Did you just ask me if I`m married?!?!?!?!?` No I`m not married, are you crazy I`m only 22, look no ring (pointing at my finger). At which point he decides to tell me that he is not married either, accompanied by suggestive smile and wink.
Thankfully about 1 minute later the train arrived, I rammed in my earphones and made sure there was at least one train car in between me and my deranged lover.
Seriously, Japan!?!?


Save these kind of questions/statements for at least the second [real] date

But anyway, lets get back onto topic. Me and my psuedo date with my Japanese man crush. After this odd experience I felt like I was pretty certain I could handle any odd statements/questions my Japanese crush might say to me, because at least they are semi expected now instead of out of left field.
Turned out dinner went smoothly, no crazy protestations of love, moving in together, or marriage. And so, I decided why not stay a bit longer since Miguel had decided to call up more friends so my Japanese friend could have a proper farewell party. And things continued to go along rather swimmingly, I may have even said a few flirty comments at him, or at least saying, `it is such a shame you are moving to Fukuoka (that is flirty right?).` Anyway, due to an odd twist of events (me missing the last train) he offered to drive me to Yanai as I was planning on spending the evening with my friend Ciaran. Which was a really sweet gesture (can you tell I am beginning to fall?). During our 45 minute car ride or so he told me a lot about his past and his hopes and dreams, and we even shared our thoughts on the Japanese education system, which were all really interesting to hear. It`s not often that I can actually hold these more serious conversations with Japanese people seeing as my Japanese is pretty shabby and their English is not much better. And in those moments I really began to understand/agree with one of the texts he had sent me previously that said ` I think if we are a couple we can get newer and broader perspectives with our lives` (Amazing English, right?). (I mean if I wasn`t falling before, I`m sure I must be about there now).

At this time I also voiced some of my concerns over an idiotic mistake I had made earlier that morning. I wanted to know if he could tell me if there was any way possible that I could retrieve my burnable trash which I had put out that morning to be collected and at some point burned. (Japan has crazy trash collection methods). Reason being was that I realized a little too late that I had thrown one of my wallets containing my foreign registration card (and thankfully not much else) in the trash. He said he was pretty sure there was nothing to be done, but that he would look into it. I kind of brushed this aside figuring, yeah ok, probably not.
Anyway around this point we arrived at Yanai and so I invited him up to meet my friend Ciaran and some of our other friends who happened to be over. After having some snacks and playing a resounding game of scattergories I saw him to the door (I even received a small kiss on the cheek to my shock and maybe even more surprising was that I wasn`t particularly opposed to the gesture). Have I driven off the cliff of madness? (probably). Upon returning to the house I asked Ciaran, Erez, and Kyle and the other Japanese guests what they thought of my friend. They all agreed he was quite handsome, had AMAZING English, and that he seemed nice and like a great person. I later told them he was the guy from my dating blog post. Their response: `Oooooh, he`s that guy...!?!? Well, he seems nice (see:sane) enough in person.

And here is where I knew I fell off the deep end.
The next morning I wake up to a text from my Japanese man friend that said (In Japanese, I told him to text me in Japanese only so I could work on improving) 大島の役場に電話したけど、もう全部　燃やしたって。And for all of you, who`s Japanese isn`t as on par as mine it translates to: I called Oshima`s town office, but they said they have already burned everything (referring to the trash). Seriously! Not only did he remember my concern over my accidentally thrown out wallet but he followed through, of his own accord and called to see if he could somehow save the day and procure my wallet. Seriously, i think I hit an all time high in life.

About two weeks later, after a few more mild/conservative texts my friend Ciaran told me. `Keri, grow a pair and ask him out on a date already. If you don`t want a boyfriend, don`t like him, or don`t want to go out with him again, you don`t have to, that is the beauty of it all. There is no need for commitment at this point.`
I thought about what Ciaran said for a moment. And, as much as I`m opposed to a relationship right now, I figured maybe it is just what I need to pull myself out of the stooper I`ve found myself in. After all, like Ciaran said. It`s just one date, and I had found myself slowly but surely reaching some level of enamor. So I did it.

4 hours later this is the response I get:
I`m so sorry. Keri, to be honest I decided to return to my ex-girlfriend. It was so hard to make a decision and I`m still in love with you.

fml.

Looks like I have made my way through the dating lifespan (according to the sexual response cycle anyway). Desire, Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution have all been actualized.


My Japanese friend`s identity shall be a bit of a secret,primarily to protect the innocent.Secondarily, Just in case I have Japan goggles

Observations: If you happen to meet a handsome guy, with great English don`t wait until the last minute to get your shit together.
Even if he does send some chill inducing texts.


Final Observation: I still think dating is too complicated.