A Stress, Confusion, and Frustration Filled Day.

*deep sigh* This seems to be the most fitting way to begin my post. I had been warned that while abroad I would feel a roller coaster of emotions. And it seems that I have officially hit those bumpy patches. For the past week I have had a slight feeling of...I'm not too sure what word can adequately describe it...maybe a mixture of depression and frustration. I didn't know and maybe still don't quite know the source of these feelings. Today was a very rough day that hit me with depression, confusion, stess, and frustration. And as much as I don't want to admit it I wasn't able to deal with all of these emotions and ended up breaking down in tears. I've decided to post about this hectic day because I think it could be insightful to others planning on traveling to Japan (some of the situations are very Japan specific) or to any foreign country.

Lately I've been feeling a little depressed, but I suppose the best word to explain it is: homesick. As all of my friends are getting ready to head home for the summer I realize that I'm going to be here for over another month. It's a little frustrating/depressing for me because I really want to be at home with my friends and be able to talk to them in person or go out and spend time with them. But instead I am here, which isn't horrible don't get me wrong, but it's certainly not the same. I've also been missing my mom and dad. It's really difficult for me because I get to talk to my mom maybe once a week if I'm lucky since the time difference is so different and we both have very busy schedules. Talking with my dad is just plain impossible. He doesn't use internet, so e-mails and skype are completely not an option. And I haven't sent him my phone number yet, so even phonecalls are not an option, since it will be too expensive for me to call from my foreign phone. So it has been very difficult for me the past couple of weeks to deal with being so isolated from my family.

So already feeling all of these emotions it was hard for me to deal with all the small frustrations that followed throughout the day. The following is one of the very small stressors that built on top of my pre-existing feelings. This morning I had my usual breakfast of toast, one egg over easy, and bacon. So, in America it's normal to eat eggs and bacon with a fork, some people (myself included) even find it acceptable to eat bacon as finger food. Well, in Japan this is not the case. Instead chopsticks are to be used! Hands are never to be used to touch food! If nothing else, you grab a piece of tissue and use that to pick up your food and eat. Normally I haven't been to stressed or irritated by this, but today seemed to be a BIG exception. I assume most people haven't eaten bacon with chopsticks before, so let me tell you this, it is extremely difficult to cut bacon using chopsticks (and yet that is what is expected). The fat on the bacon makes it near impossible, you really need to go to town sawing away with your chopsticks before you're bacon will separate. And I guess today I was in no mood to deal with it because I was silently cursing away at that bacon and those darned chopsticks. Why the heck do the Japanese insist on eating western food in an eastern method. They were just not meant to mash!

After miraculously being able to saw my bacon into bite size pieces I left the house and was on my way to school. While on the way to the station I had somehow amassed a large number of trash (from blowing my nose, and finishing some snacks). I was eager to throw these articles away because it was a little bit burdensome to be carrying them around. BUUUUT of course, since I am in Japan it meant there are NO trashcans to be found anywhere. And even if you do find a trashcan, more than likely the trash you are carrying cannot be thrown away in that particular trash can. Here is why. To begin with, for some strange unknown reason Japan does not believe in having trash cans on the street. You can walk for blocks and chances are you won't find a trash can. However, what you will find (and a LOT of these) is a CAN trash (word I made up for this thing). The CAN trash is a place where you may dispose of your plastic bottles ONLY! And you'll find these everywhere! From my homestay to the train station (about a 6-7 min walk) you'll find 5 CAN trash bins but not a single TRASH can. Now, maybe you are thinking that hey, if I was on my way to the station that means I could wait until I got there to get rid of my trash. Well, (pause) you'd be wrong. There are indeed some form of garbage depositories, but they are about as much use as one of those blasted CAN trash bins. Why is this you might ask?.... This would be because Japan finds it necessary to separate their trash into about 5 different bins. One for cans, plastic bottles, combustibles, non-combustibles, food, and newspapers (different from combustibles). And naturally the ones found at the train station are only for cans,bottles, and news papers. Very irritating! Even in the public restrooms you will not be able to find a sufficient trash can. The only trash can there is a very very very tiny one in each stall for sanitary products.

So carrying my trash in my pockets and bag I got onto the train. More frustrations to come. On the train it was crowded as ever (frustration occurred). But what I have found to be even more frustrating than the packed train ride are the packed stairwells once you reach your station. Whoever designed the train stations in Japan has done a terrible job. There are only 2 exits on each platform but what makes it worse it that one of the exits you can only enter/exit via a very narrow escalator. And considering how many people get off at my school station this means you could be waiting 10 mins just to get out of the terminal. If you use the other exit, maybe you have a slightly shorter wait. There is a wide stairwell, which is a plus, but due to the poor timing of the trains it makes it a little irritating. This is because while you are waiting in line to go down the stairs another train pulls up right next to the stairwell and a whole new rush of people get in front of you. So maybe it takes 8 minutes of crammed penguin walking to get off the dang platform.

At school I managed to avoid frustration and stress. What a nice break. But here comes the icing on the cake.

So after school I go to the post office to cash my postal money order because I have only 800yen to my name. I'd done this 2 times before and although it has been slightly obnoxious due to the staff not being accustomed to postal money orders it hasn't been a problem. Here comes the crazy. I will give a much more condensed version of what really went down but I think you'll still get the frustration. To begin with I had to write a whole bunch of kanji (very difficult Japanese characters) down, why...not too sure, never had to do that previously. After about 15 minutes of checking the guidebook and so the women finally gave me my money. Not too frustrating. However, 5 minutes later while at the IES center I get a call at the center and I'm told there was a problem with my transaction and that it wasn't valid. One of the IES staff and my language exchange pal went with me to the post office. Turned out my transaction was invalid because the address on the money order didn't match the address on my foreign student card. They told me I needed to give back the cash and send the money order back to my mom and have her resend it with the proper address. Here is where lots of frustration kicked in. Number one, I was stressed because I had 800yen, which is about $8. Sending the money order to my mom would take 1 week, for her to send it back at the fastest would take another 5 days. No way could I survive on $8 for a week and a half. Number two frustration, I had done this same transaction before at least 2 times with the same information and I had never once been told I was doing it incorrectly. And to put it simply I broke down. I broke down crying in the middle of the post office in front of my adviser, the postal workers, my language exchange pal, and any other Japanese person in the building at the time. My adviser tried to alleviate my stress by assuring me IES could loan me money while I waited for my postal money order to be fixed. However, I just continued to cry; I was experiencing to many emotions at once I really couldn't handle it. I was confused why I couldn't get my money, I was frustrated that my ATM cards don't work in Japan, I was embarrassed for breaking down in front of everyone and so the tears just kept coming. Cutting the story short, the post office let me keep my money. They had called the head department and after almost an hour of talking (and me crying) they decided it was embarrassing to take back the money (only in Japan would they be so embarrassed by a mistake that they would let it slide like this) and I am sure my crying had actually helped me in this situation. But I want to qualify that I by no means cried on purpose, in fact I felt really bad for crying and had been trying to stop because I could tell that the postal staff felt very bad for and I'm sure it had made them sad that I was so distraught. I made sure to thank my adviser very profusely as well as my language exchange pal. And I thanked the postal staff over and over and tried to assure them that it was okay and I wasn't angry or upset but just very thankful as they repeatedly told me sorry.

Writing all of this down has helped a little by letting me reflect on these situations, but now I just want to watch a movie and try to relax. I'm sure I will be ready to deal with these emotions should they rear up again, and I most certainly will make sure any new money orders are filled out appropriately.

*small sigh of relief*
Keri